Saturday, December 4, 2010

Excerpt from my novel

Excerpt; from my novel

So...its been awhile. But I'm back! I finally found something to share with you all. Here is a very short excerpt from the novel I'm writing...(:

A tall pirate stood at the wheel of The X, his bright red hair blowing across his forehead. Two leather straps were wrapped around his head, forming an X patch over his right eye, while his other bright green eye was staring straight at Luna. Freckles dotted his smoky cheeks and he held a cigar between his left fore finger, and left it part way between his smirked lips. His dark eyebrows were curved in determination. Smoke drifted up from his cigar, dissolving itself into the fog. “So that’s Maxx.” Luna said, raising an eyebrow. Behind him stood two others, both just as fierce-looking. The one on his right stood frowning, his bright blue eyes at a side-ways glare. His hair was lighter than Maxx’s, and only had a small tinge of red. He wore a suit that was almost identical to Maxx’s navy suit, but his was camo green. The man on his left had dark brown hair and a smile that almost seemed pasted to his face. His dark green eyes were partially closed and curved. He was waving, and seemed oblivious to the fact that Maxx meant business, not friendliness. “Sam. Stop waving.” Ian whispered to him, behind Maxx’s back. Sam slowly put down his hand, frowning. “They’ll shoot at us if we don’t seem friendly!” Sam said. Ian shrugged. “Oh well.” He said. Maxx lifted up both of his hands in surrender. “We have come in business only. We swear not to attack your ship!” Maxx yelled across the ship to Luna. Luna eyed him very closely and finally yelled back. “What do you want from us, then?” Maxx handed his cigar to Sam and walked to the rail of the ship. “Let down your bridge and we shall have a little chat.” Luna set her jaw. “I don’t trust you.” She growled. “Well, that is wise. But I didn’t ask you to trust me did I? I only asked for a little chat.” Maxx replied. Luna ran her eyes around The X. “Where are the rest of your pirates?” She asked. Maxx laughed. “Down under the quarterdeck. I didn’t want them to seem like a threat. Now can we have this little chat, or did I waste my time?” Luna began to play with her shark tooth. “You and your two quartermasters may come aboard by rope. I will not let down our bridge. Maxx shrugged. “So be it.” He grabbed the nearest hanging rope, and swung himself onto the ledge of their ship. Ian and Sam soon followed. Maxx stood in front of Luna, Ian in front of Ellie, and Sam in front of Brian. “We hear you’re after the alliance of Barnacle and Thimble. You’re wasting your time.” Luna shook her head. “That’s not any business of yours. We will risk what we must.” Maxx shrugged. “Maybe not. But Barnacle is one of our greatest enemies, and anyone else who teams up with him.” Luna raised her eyebrows. What was he getting at? “We want to defeat him. So, we are offering an alliance to help you do so.” Luna’s eyes were wide. “You’ve never before offered an alliance to anyone. So why now?” Maxx cocked his head to the side. “It takes an alliance to defeat an alliance.” He replied. Luna shook her head. “That’s not an answer.” Maxx smiled, and grabbed his cigar from Sam’s hand. “I haven’t yet gotten an answer from you, either.” Luna pushed her shaggy bangs to the side. “Fair enough. Let me talk with my quartermasters.”
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  1. Very interesting! I like it.

    One quibble... when someone starts speaking, you need to do a hard return (i.e., press enter). Like so...

    Jim and Perry were walking down the street.
    "Hey, Jim, do you see that?" Perry asked.
    "Yes, if you mean the cat I was about to step on," Jim replied.

    Not like so...

    Jim and Perry were walking down the street. "Hey, Jim, do you see that?" Perry asked. "Yes, if you mean the cat I was about to step on," Jim replied.

    As I'm sure you've noticed, I sometimes do two returns between my paragraphs/dialogue, but that's just me.

  2. Haha I have noticed..I just wait to fix it when I'm done writing and start editing. =P