Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Beginning Again...

Hello gregarious assemblages of people!

Recently I've been working on my book. I had it basically all written down in a very sorry first draft. (And I had been posting some of the latter parts on here, as you know). Today I started to work on re-writing the whole thing from the beginning, and incorporating some new ideas into it. So here's the first two pages which will give you the basic premise of the story. Enjoy! (Sorry for the weird spacing and indentation, and for the bad spelling. Spell check is not working today...)

Chapter 1 – Overboard!

It has long been known that on the open sea, storms can break upon you faster than you think. You'll just be stitting there and all of a sudden the sky is dark and it's raining. That's why it's a good idea to not leave your things up on deck espicially when that thing is your brand-new fancy laptop.

But unfortunately I forgot to follow that advice today, and I had just now realized that my laptop was indeed sitting on deck as a large storm broke upon my aunt and uncle's small saiting boat.

“Aunt Rayene! My laptop's out there in the storm! I'm going to go grab it!” I yelled as I headed towards the door.

“Ellie! Be careful!” She called after me. I ran out the hatchway and clawed my way across the deck to my laptop

The rain hit me like a sheet of stinging ice, and my bare feet slipped on the wet deck. I grabbed at anything that provided a hold, dropped to my knees, and scurried forwards towards the mast. I was almost there when a monster wave hit the side of the boat. Water shot across the deck, washing my laptop towards the edge. I instinctively lunged for my computer, securely grabbed it, but felt myself sliding over the edge. I took one last look at my laptop, let go of it, and grabbed for a line dangling near the edge. I opened my mouth to scream for help, but a wave crashed over my head and it filled my mouth with cold saltwater and pulled me over the side and into the sea.

I could feel the currents rushing around me and I kicked hard, trying to get back to the surface. I finally popped my head out and took a big gulp of air. I was now about twenty feet away from the boat, and I swam as hard as I could, trying to catch the currents going towards the boat. I was a good swimmer in places with little or no current, but in the ocean I was good as dead without flippers and a snorkel. I kicked as hard as I could but suddenly I felt the current all around me was pushing me forward towards the boat... and pulling me under. I tried to kick back up to the surface, but I was getting sucked deeper down. I wondered if I was actually going to get pulled under the boat. But suddenly I felt myself smack into something hard and everything went black.

Ellie awoke with her face buried in warm sand. Her mind was swirling and she had no idea where she was. Then she remebered. The boat! Her fall into the sea! She had survived but had landed on a nearby island. She hoped that she would soon find an Engish-speaking person who would help her contact her Aunt.

Ellie rolled onto her back and opened her eyes. Blinding light. She snapped them shut again and groaned. She tried sitting up before opening her eyes again. More blinding light. Eyes closed again. She groped her way up the beach a little before tenatively peeking out of one eye. Not that bad. She opened her eyes slowly and soon had them opened enough to observe her surroundings.

She was not on a tourist beach filled with nice rich American ladies who would help her contact her aunt.


But she was on the prettiest beach she had ever set eyes on, and it was completely deserted. Hopefully the island wasn't deserted too. She stood up and walked around a bit. The island looked to be quite large. She headed up the beach a ways before running across a sign of civilization.

An old stone boat launch.

At first it appeard to be made out of concrete, but on closer observance she saw that it was made out of ornately carved stone blocks. Weird. She had never seen anything like it before.

Ellie continued up the beach. A few seagulls scampered here and there, playing in the surf. She smiled at there antics as she walked up the beach.

She was headed around a bend when she heard the sounds of a girl yelling and laughing. People. So the island wasn't deserted after all. She broke into a run and soon had a visuial on the person releasing the noise. She stopped dead in her tracks.

There were two people on an otherwise desterted beach. Both were on horses. Not that that wasn't very abnormal for a fancy tourist beach, but it was something else that caught Ellie's eye.

It was a sword.

Hanging from the girl's waist. A long sword in a long sheath. And it didn't look ornamental. Were these people modern day pirates? Or some sort of a crusader reenactment troupe?

By now both persons had spotted Ellie and were approaching her slowly. Ellie noted their appearance. One person was a boy on a maroon-colored horse, who had brown eyes and long blond hair that was braided into one strand. He looked about sixteen or seventeen, and was wearing a white shirt, a thick leather vest, and a pair of blue pants. There was a long, velvety, red cape hanging from his back which was embroidered with a white eagle holding a sword and a spear. In the boy's hands was a strong and powerful-looking longbow with an arrow knocked to the string. A thick gold bracelet hung around his arm and around his neck he wore a necklace with a pendant in the shape of a coiled snake with gleaming rubies for eyes.

The other rider was a girl who looked about thirteen. She had short, dark brown hair, brown eyes and was wearing a tank top and green shorts. She had a long and ornately carved dagger tucked into her belt, and a large broadsword at her side. Her hair was tied back in a half-ponytail and she was wearing large silver hoop earrings and many bracelets.

They approached me from different angles, each keeping a friendly but cautious pose. They towered over me on the backs of their horses. The boy stopped his horse and smiled down at me. A cautious smile.

“Hello” He said. I was quite startled; I didn’t think he would speak English. “Who are you?” He asked. He had a kind but questioning voice. I stood for a moment, wondering whether or not to answer him. I knew the old rule: never talk to strangers. But seriously, this guy may be the only hope of finding civilization, no matter how weird he appeared. And anyway, what harm was it to tell them? They didn't look like the type of people that kidnap girls. They just looked like two slightly deranged kids living on a slightly deranged island.

“Uh, who are you?” I replied, forgetting that it was considered rude to answer a question with a question. The boy eyed me contemptuously then drew himself up and tried to look regal before replying.

“My name is Kala Anwip,” he said, “nephew of our good King Antuk, who's island you are on. And this is my sister Hara.” He gestured towards the girl, who smiled and nodded.

“Hi.” I replied. “My name is Ellie. I got washed overboard off my aunt's boat, and now I'm here. Well, where is here, anyways?”

“You are on the island of Cherokeland, which is thought to be uninhabited.” The girl named Hara said. “Because for a long time it was uninhabited. But one stormy night a shipload of English slavers and their cargo of Arabian slaves crashed here. There was no way for them to return to their countires, and so they started this country together. As you will see it is a blending of Engish and Arab culture.

There were many battles betewwn the heads of the Arabs and the heads of the English. The English belived themselves to e superior, but the Arabs suggested that they live together equally. Each civization started a city here, the English forming the fishing port of Kamik in hopes to build a ship and return to England, and the Arabs built the beautiful city of Elena as a display of their architectural geinus.

The fights between both cities have been horrendous, but over the years the two cultures have slowly intermarried and come to a peaceful coexistience. Now there is peace on the island, and both cities are now as much Arab as they are Engish. But we no longer think in those terms. Were are not two seprated races, but one whole people: the inhabitants of Cherokeland.

In fact, from time to time, many others have been stranded here. Some of those people were white, like you, and some were dark. Many of them spoke odd languages, but soon most of them learned our language and lived among us. True, a few of those men, growing discontented here, built canoes and left, but none of our other people have ever followed them.

But now we do kindly welcome you to our island and wish you to stay for a while, at least. You can even stay with our family if you wish. Come, let us go to my house in Elena where we can introduce you to the rest of the family, and to my uncle, the king.”


  1. I absolutely love this :)
    Its suspenseful and so well written.
    I'm Cori and I am also a writer.
    I love this blog.
    Keep up the great stories...all of you :)
    TTFN :)
    In Christ,

  2. This is wonderful! You are a brilliant writer.

    Abby :D

  3. Every version I've read has been awesome. :) When you finally get it published, I'll be the first to buy it.

    You might want to put scene breaks between the person-switches, by the way. Almost forgot to say that.

  4. Yeah, yeah. I know it changes views in there. Sorry, I was re-writing and I started in third, but then I cut and pasted some old bits in and they were in first. The whole thing's gonna be in first, anyways.